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[personal profile] jeregenest
This past weekend was Jess and my birthdays. This pretty much, depending on the category, puts us as a couple maybe just barely in middle adulthood. Which is weird, because I feel pretty much like an adult by now. But demography and advertising seem to be so firmly linked who can really tell the difference anymore.

Because our birthdays are right next to each others they tend to be a time of some thought about the state of our relationship. A taking stock of ourselves and each other.

Lets be honest, we live in a culture obsessed about not growing old. Lets be even more honest and admit Jess and I don't have the best role models for growing old in love (We have her maternal grandparents thankfully).

Now we are at the beginning of these middle years, we have a long way to go, but this year (and probably the last few years) have been this period of intense contemplation of where are we going.

As an aside, Googling “middle age love” mostly gets me hits on courtly love in the middle ages, which makes me think of Ars Magica which makes me think of how we met....

So here are my thoughts.

People often say you live to accept the flaws of the one you love. I'd argue that its rather growing to understand why those flaws are strengths. And the strengths become bedrock. I've written before about Jess's strengths. Her intelligence, her compassion, her insight and clarity. Her ability to master anything. All of these I love. But I also love her scowls and her frowns, even when they are directed at me. I can watch her thought process play out on her face and while I'm not always sure where it is going I love watching her. Seriously, I can watch Jess for hours as she works her way through a thorny problem. So incredibly sexy.

Relationships are about change of course, and I'm a better person now than I was in my 30s an certainly better than my 20s thanks to Jess and our relationship. I really look forward to my 40s, this is a road that I'm glad I am on, and looking back at what my 20 something self thought my 40s were going to be like I'm really glad he was an idiot and had no idea of what was coming.

Jess is an amazing person and I'm lucky to be with her. The depths of her thoughts, her insightfulness, her ability to take something clearly state it in such a way that it makes immediate sense. I couldn't live without this. She challenges me, and because she challenges me I'm a better person.

I love her smile, her humor and her energy. I love just sitting with her exchanging thoughts. I love the way she is with our kids, the pets and just strangers. I love the home we've built together.

Happy birthday Jess, and I look forward to every birthday with you from here to 100 and beyond.
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